Favorite Part of the Story

Esper Decorates the Tree

2012-01-04T17:46:00.000-08:00

One night we pulled out the ornaments to decorate the Christmas tree. My mom's tree is snowman themed and so Esper learned how to say snowman which basically just sounds like she's saying snow. She spent hours putting the ornaments on the tree and taking them off again. They pretty much all went on the same branch. This holiday season has been so fun with a toddler who finally understands a little bit of what is going on. She loves the movie Polar Express. She reads all of the Christmas books and says "ho, ho, ho!" anytime she sees a Santa. She even sat on Santa's lap at the mall for five seconds. I'd say that's a big accomplishment for someone who doesn't like strangers at all.

First Trip to Hogle Zoo

2012-01-04T17:24:00.000-08:00

The day before Thanksgiving was surprisingly warm so I decided to take Esper to Hogle Zoo. She went to the zoo in Elk Grove when she was about ten months old, but this was the first time I think she really understood what the animals were. She was in heaven! She loves animals so much and I think it finally clicked that the animals in her books were real. She especially loved the monkeys and the elephant. She did the sign for elephant and made the noise when she saw it. She was very excited to ride on the little train, but then when it started moving she didn't like it at all. She enjoyed the kids' playground and got mad when we had to leave to go home. I can't wait to take her back.

Thanksgiving 2011

2012-01-04T17:08:00.000-08:00

The weather was gorgeous on Thanksgiving. I took Esper on a walk in our neighborhood and she fell asleep in her stroller. After her nap I dressed her in her pretty dress and let her color while we waited for guests to show up. Jessica's family and my Aunt Rebecca came over for dinner. Esper's becoming a picky eater so she didn't eat much. I am so grateful for her and my family who is such a big help to me.

I took Esper outside to take some pictures of her in the beautiful light.

Doing the Dishes

2012-01-04T16:58:00.000-08:00

One of Esper's favorite things in the world to do is to climb up on a chair and help Grandma Ju-Ju wash the dishes. She could do this for hours. I especially love her little feet up on her tippy toes.

Halloween 2011

2011-12-29T22:41:00.000-08:00

I know, I know. I'm a bit behind on my blogging lately.

I had no idea what Esper was going to be for Halloween until I came across this vintage Dorothy costume on eBay. It was a little big for her even after my mom took it in a bit, but she just looked so cute in it! I got her some red sparkly shoes at Target too. Her Dad and I took her trick-or-treating with her cousins in their neighborhood. She had so much fun, but mostly because she could see the moon. She kept pointing it out all night long. The last few houses she really caught on and was able to walk up to the doors with Aidan and Addison. Later she really enjoyed opening the door for trick-or-treaters.

"Mom I got one!" She held this bag of candy for the rest of the night.

The Pumpkin Patch

2011-12-10T15:32:00.000-08:00

One day my Granny and I took Esper to the local pumpkin patch. We didn't need a pumpkin but I did need some super cute pictures of my daughter in her adorable outfit. The lighting was just perfect and she had so much fun walking through the pumpkins and trying to pick them up. She also liked pretending to drive the tractor.

I love in that top right pick how she's pointing to her shirt and saying "owl." It's one of her favorite animals and one of the few words she can say.

After the pumpkin patch we had lunch at Red Robin. Esper enjoyed a lemon as you can see. Then we had to walk over and check out the water fountain that Esper wanted to climb in.

Esper @ Sixteen Months

2011-11-16T14:46:00.000-08:00

Says "No" constantly. Even when she means yes. "Esper do you want to take a bath?" "No!" *Runs to the bath*
She is learning how to say so many words. Even if she can't get all the consonants right, she will make the exact same inflection in her voice. Her new words include: Love You, Okaaaaay, Up, Down, Dog, Ju-Ju (Grandma Julie), Granny, Pa-Pa, Dora, Elmo, Abby, Owl.
Speaking of owls, she is in love with them. I have no idea where she gets that. ;)
She can pull herself up onto the couch.
She loves talking on the phone.
She seems to have gotten over her stranger danger stage and loves playing with new friends.
Is obsessed with penguins. She has two stuffed penguins and wants more every time she sees one.
Books, books, books. She is starting to have a longer attention span, so we are reading longer books.
Still hates wearing clothes. If she had her way, she'd be buck naked all day every day.
Is fearless. Climbs on everything. Doesn't always cry when she falls. Likes going high on the swings.
When she plays with toys, she loves to dump everything out of a container, and put it all back away. She does this over and over.
Her love of anything Dora the Explorer has bordered on obsessive at times. She even likes the show more than Sesame Street lately. I even got her a stuffed Boots and a Dora nightgown for Christmas already.
She had a great Halloween and while getting candy at the door was fun, she had much more interest in looking at the moon and finding pumpkins at every doorstep. My sweet little girl is so curious and learning a lot.
Has learned many more new signs this month: Again, Help, and Penguin among them.
The best sign she has learned this month is "potty." She does this sign every time she starts to poop and runs into the bathroom. But then if you try to sit her down on her chair she makes her body go stiff and whines. But she HAS pooped twice and peed once on the potty. I'm trying to not get frustrated and just go at her pace. The fact that she is aware of when she needs to go is huge so I'm just proud of that.
I've had a hard month and Esper has been such a sweet girl when she sees Mom is sad- she gives me hugs and cuddles me. It's amazing to me that a 16-month-old can have such empathy already.
The best part of my day is when I lay her down to sleep and we say "Love You" back and forth to each other. Even after the door is closed. I usually let her say it last. Even though I definitely love her the most. I win, because I have her.

Wisdom from How I Met Your Mother

2011-11-13T22:59:00.000-08:00

Lily: "I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say 'yep, that was a mistake.' So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you'd go your whole life not knowing if something is a mistake or not."

Esper Swinging at Butterfield Park

2011-10-20T22:30:00.000-07:00

We went to Herriman's Pumpkin Festival but the lines for all the activities were way too long so we went over to the playground to play. Esper looked so cute in her Halloween outfit.


I got this shot by laying down under her swing. I got sawdust in my hair but it was worth it.

This is a neat trick- put your camera on a slow shutter speed and follow the swing's movement as you push the shutter. Your subject will be in focus and the background will be blurred.

I love this shot even though it's a bit blurry. She loves slides.

She was a little confused with all the kids in their costumes. You could see the wheels turning in her head.

A Warm Fall Evening

2011-10-14T21:54:00.000-07:00


Running with her cousins through the front yard.


With Grandma, cousins Aidan and Addison, and Aunt Jess.


"Hi kitty! How are you?"

Ohhhh look at the poor bruise on her forehead from falling in the kitchen.

I am going to be sad to say goodbye to Fall and hello to Winter. We've been loving just hanging out, especially with cousins at Grandma JuJu and Papa's house. BBQ's, campfires, and S'mores. Parks, chasing cats, and riding bikes. How am I going to deal with a toddler cooped up indoors all winter long?

Esper @ Fifteen Months

2011-10-02T13:58:00.000-07:00


Our little Woostah (Rooster) as we call her due to her crazy hair

As you can see, I have been neglecting the monthly write-up of what Esper is like at her current age. I'm not doing the bear picture on the couch any more, as it is getting too hard to get her to sit still and pose. But I do need to get better at journaling this age or I am really going to forget what she was like.

So since her Twelve Month write-up, here's what she's been up to. From about 12-14 months we had a really hard time with our new toddler. She suddenly wanted many, many things and could not quite enunciate that to us. So there was a lot of screaming going on in our house. (Not us, the child.) I have been doing sign-language with her since she was teeny tiny, but it never really clicked for her until 15 months. So moms with a screaming toddler- have patience. It does get better if they learn sign-language and can communicate their needs better.

She is such a good walker, climber, dancer, balancer, somersaulter, etc. My child is going to grow up and do something with her body, I just know it. An athlete or a dancer or something like that. It is where she excels. When we go to the park she is starting to climb the stairs holding on to the railing instead of crawling up. She loves to go down the slides and try and climb up the slide when she's down. She is fearless and loves to go high on swings and jump in the water and attempt to swim (kick, kick) while Mommy holds her. I took her to a class at The Little Gym and she wanted nothing to do with the class part of it, she loved wandering around and exploring, climbing up and down the padded blocks. She'd love a place like that to get all of her energy out. (But again, sitting on my lap or walking in a circle with other kids, not so much.)

She is just a little slower with the talking. That's okay though. I know she will get it eventually. She does say: Ma-Ma, Granny (Anny), Dada, Papa, Oh no (no no!), uh-oh, kitty, dog, animal sounds, and car sounds. While she may not get all the consonants, she is trying and I recognize the correct vowel sound. And since I see progress with her signing, I'm happy she is learning new words.

Her favorite thing in the world are BOOKS. She could sit on my lap all day reading different books. She does have her favorites and I am getting a little sick of reading them over and over. ;) She also loves all things ELMO. She currently owns 4 Elmo books, an Elmo backpack, 2 Elmo outfits, 2 stuffed Elmos, and an Elmo pillow. Sesame Street is still her favorite show but Elmo's World is her favorite part. We have a DVD player in the van but she doesn't pay much attention to it unless Elmo is on. She also loves AIRPLANES and can hear them while we're inside the house playing. Her other favorite show is Yo Gabba Gabba.

She seems to be eating her food more and throwing it on the floor less, which makes this mom very happy. She loves noodles, pb&j sandwiches, Gerber melts, burritos, raisins, muffins, and most fruit. She doesn't like many vegetables.

She finally got her other top tooth in! So now she has two top and two bottom. She must be getting more though, as she wakes up crying often through the night.

She is crazy about music and loves listening to it and singing with Mama.

She finally learned how to drink out of a straw! I was so proud of her.

She loves to play dress-up and try on hats and glasses.

When she doesn't get her way, she throws herself on the floor and pushes her forehead to the floor. She does it softly when she knows the floor is hard. I try my best to ignore this hilariousness. She has also begun to yell "NO!" at me in a very defiant voice like when I tell her to sit down in the bath. Talk about an attitude.

She likes riding on her little bike outside and is starting to use her feet to push herself forward a bit.

She still has a bit of shyness with strangers (especially weird-looking men) and will burst into tears if she sees someone who looks a little too strange.

She is still my sweet, cuddly girl who will give hugs and loves to all of her stuffed animals and even her books. She will even snuggle with me when she's tired. I hope she never grows out of that.

I love her at this age so much! She is learning and getting very excited when something finally clicks. I know I will miss this age so I'm just trying to enjoy it as much as I can.

Our Summer in Instagram

2011-09-16T12:31:00.000-07:00

1. Posing 2. Loving Elmo 3. Playing Pocket God on Daddy's iPhone 4. Reading books constantly 5. Sisterly Love 6. Loving on my girl 7. Daddy & Bug 8. Riding the Tractor at Wheeler Farm 9. Yogurt is her favorite! 10. Bedhead

1. Cuddles outside 2. Mom & Dad went to Vegas for Defcon 3. Our sweet 1-yr-old 4. Mom & Esper got very sick 5. Strolling through the neighborhood 6. Swings are the best! 7. Being tickled 8. Nyan Cat! 9. Popsicles! 10. More cuddles

1. Homemade rice krispie treats! 2. Esper's favorite- chow mein noodles 3. Enjoying a BBQ at our friends' house 4. Crying because kitty swatted at her 5. Sesame Street time 6. New toy! 7. Me 8. Water play at Thanksgiving Point 9. Porch time with Grandma & Papa 10. Reading rocks.

Family Pictures

2011-09-14T21:10:00.000-07:00

Have you ever tried to get a 5-year-old with A.D.D., a grumpy 4-year-old, and a 1-year-old who didn't nap to all smile for a family photograph in the summer heat? It's pretty much impossible.

I made the mistake of getting Libby flip-flops to wear with her cute outfit. (I even made these ribbon rosettes that I hot-glued onto the shoes and they fell off.) I guess she's never worn flip-flops before and could not keep those suckers on her feet.

This is the shot that I am going to put up on my wall. Yes, Libby is looking away frowning but believe me when I say this is the best shot of all of us. (Of course I bought a cute dress that you don't see one inch in this shot. Oh well. hehe) And thanks to Jeff for removing the background people from this pic.

These ones were cute as well, but the lighting is all striped on the kids' faces.

See how she can't keep her shoes on? I do like this creative angle though.

I think the whole headache that was our photo shoot was worth it because of this shot:

Help!

2011-09-08T11:58:00.000-07:00

Lucky

2011-08-17T22:56:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I considered getting a job. We could use the money, and I thought it could just be a temporary thing until we got back on our feet. I went online and found a job I was uniquely qualified for. I emailed the company and immediately got a call from them, wanting to set up an interview. As soon as I was done listening to the voice mail I cried. I should have been happy, and the only thing running through my mind and heart was I can't leave her.

Yes, her. With her chubby feet, marching proudly out of the kitchen with a new found toy. "Look, Ma, a cup! From the drawer I empty five times a day! I must have not seen this one before."

(Garbage can weighted down because she's obsessed with pulling things out of it)

I tried to picture her in a daycare. With kids and adults she doesn't know. In a small space without quiet areas to nap and front yards with her favorite little car to climb in and out of.

I couldn't do it. Jeff has never asked me to. Yet somehow I felt like it was what I should do. For now I'm not going to. We'll make do somehow.

Night-night time!

I can't miss this. This being the yogurt smeared all over her face in the morning. The "nah-nah-nah" begging that comes multiple times during the day to please put her up on a big person chair again. The looks I get when Elmo's World comes on the screen like "Mom?! Are you watching this? I can't believe it's actually him!" The intense cuddling done with any soft toy in sight, including the cat.

I'm so lucky I get to do this every day.

My blog through the years

2011-08-16T22:03:00.000-07:00

Today I redesigned my blog and it was so much fun! Jeff designed my banner for me (the sweetheart that he is). It made it easy for me to use his design as a jumping off point for the rest of the blog. He certainly knows me well. Without even asking, he chose birds and some colors he knew I would love mixed with what looks like handwritten letters from days gone by. Yes, his job is to make things pretty and he is quite good at it.

I forget how much my blog has changed in the seven (oh my!) years it has existed. I came upon these designs today and had to share them with you. I still am quite an amateur designer but my style has changed a bit.

Esper @ Twelve Months

2011-07-23T14:22:00.000-07:00

She is the sweetest, most affectionate baby I've ever seen.
She hugs any stuffed animal and gives it kisses. Every night she has a different favorite that has to go with her into her crib. Then on the monitor I'll hear her giving it kisses. So dang cute.
She loves babies and knows where their eyes and nose are.
Her favorite foods are chow mein noodles, pancakes, Gerber fruit & veggie melts, strawberries, peas, carrots, black beans, and anything anyone else is eating.
She has learned how to say "no" and says it all the time. Especially when she knows there's something she shouldn't be doing. She'll shake her finger and say "no no no!" (and then usually do it anyway.)
She does great going upstairs but is still having a hard time going downstairs, especially outside on the front porch. She recently took a nasty fall outside on the cement because she always forgets to turn around and go down backwards.
She loves books and loves to flip through pages while she makes this noise that is exclusive to book-flipping. She also likes looking through her board books a million times.
Her favorite TV show is Sesame Street but she also likes Yo Gabba Gabba.
She has her two bottom teeth, one top tooth, and is getting her other top one. Her shirts are always soaking wet as you can see in these pictures.
She goes to bed around 8pm and wakes up between 8-9 am.
She loves to play outside and go on walks while we push her in her little car.
She is still so good for me when we go run errands although she prefers to be roaming free rather than sitting in her stroller.
She is still in love with animals and giggles when we see ducks, birds, fish, cats, etc.
She is learning a little sign-language at a time and can now sign dog, all done, bath, light, and night-night. We are working on please, more, drink, mom, dad, and cat.
She's all done with bottles and drinks juice or milk in a sippy cup with her meals.
She throws all of her food onto the floor at every meal.
She still hates getting her diaper changed and will fight me until she's running away naked.
She loves to take all of the kid dishes out of the drawer in the kitchen.
She screams all the time, especially when she can't have what she wants.
She wants to do whatever the big kids are doing: eat with utensils, ride bikes by herself, etc. I can tell she gets frustrated when she can't.
Loves to cuddle with Mama and Dada especially when she's tired.
Points to what she wants and says "nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!" in a high pitched voice. It's really cute.

Stats at 12 Months: Weight: 20.17 lbs or 35%; Length: 29.72 in or 72%; Head: 17.7 in or 48%

Look how she's growing!

Oh what do you do in the summertime?

2011-07-20T20:23:00.000-07:00

We eat strawberries on the front porch.

I've never given her a whole strawberry. I usually cut them up for her. She was in heaven! She'd take a big bite out of one, put it down on the floor and get another one out of the box to bite. Such a silly girl.

Yes, she had on a strawberry skirt that day ($1.00 find from Savers).

Dirt never hurt right?

Daddy took one of me. (And the dress I'm wearing? $5.00! Love it.)

Woman's Shirt to Baby Dress Tutorial

2011-07-18T14:12:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a lot of tutorials at my favorite sewing blog Ruffles and Stuff and I was excited to start some projects of my own. The only problem? I don't sew and don't own a sewing machine. So I turned to my mom. She is amazing! This way I tell her my ideas and she teaches me how to sew (or sews for me).

One Saturday morning I went to a garage sale and picked up about ten small and x-small women's shirts that were in great condition. I think I ended up paying $10 for all of them plus a booster car seat.

I forgot to take a before pic of the shirt- you can see in this one where I cut it. I picked this shirt because of the smocked bottom of it. I figured if I flipped it upside down it would make a perfect sundress and that's just what I did. (I apologize for the iPhone pics. I forgot to take my nice camera to my mom's.)

This shirt also had some strings that I knew would work perfectly as the straps of the dress. We hardly had to do any sewing- just hem the bottom, take in the sides, and attach the strings.

I had this leftover fabric that I cut from the top of the shirt that we rolled up into a cute flower bow. We simply stitched it to a piece of felt and added a cute felt flower and corduroy button (Stampin' Up!) to the middle. I will glue gun a clip to the back of the felt.

The flower is a little too big for her to wear in her hair right now but will be cute when she gets more hair.

Here are some pictures of Esper wearing the finished product at the park. She grew very quickly so this dress has turned into a shirt but that's the great thing about it. I even kept extra fabric sewn in on the sides so when she grows, I'll simply take out the stitching and adjust it to grow with her.

And here she is going for the sexy look with her sleeve falling off. Goodness her skin is beautiful.

Check back often for more Sewing with Mom tutorials. Next I will show you how to turn a cute pair of pant overalls into a dress!

Lake Plays Soccer

2011-07-17T21:35:00.000-07:00

Lake had his last soccer game last month and Jeff took these silly photos of him at it. Lake usually enjoyed kicking the ball for the first half of each game, and then would get bored and come sit with us. During the times he did play he scored quite a bit. He was quite proud of himself and would tell everyone about it.

Man I love that boy.

Happy Birthday Dearest Baby

2011-07-13T21:00:00.000-07:00

(This post was supposed to be published on June 29)

Dear Esper,

One year ago I woke up and felt different. Something was happening. We went to my doctor's appointment and sure enough, you had decided today would be the day that you would come. You hadn't made a single peep up until then. No false labor, no dilation. Nothing until you were ready, and then suddenly you were here.

Chubby-faced and dark-haired you. With your sweet little sighs and your long, skinny feet.

I fell in love with every part of you. I fell in love with the sweet moments we had in the middle of the night, cuddling and watching Friends.

Eventually you grew a little bit and we could start to play with you.

You would smile and giggle and coo at us and the sound of your voice made us extra grateful that you could hear and speak (things we weren't sure of when you were born.)

You didn't like to go to sleep all alone in your crib, and it took you a while to get used to it. Your Mama did NOT like to hear you cry. I would often go in my room and cry as well until Daddy would sigh and say, "Ok go get her." Eventually you learned how to go to sleep on your own. But I learned how vulnerable I was to your discomfort and pain.

You've always been such a little trooper. Crying very little when you got shots at the doctor's office and pleasantly sitting in the cart when we'd go grocery shopping. People would stop me and ask me if you were always this calm. Well, yes of course. She is my sweet calm little baby.

You started to lose your dark hair. You learned how to roll over. You slept through the night. When I think back on your first year of life, it's hard to remember any bad times. Did they exist? I know they must have. This must be why people keep having babies. :)

Pretty soon you learned how to crawl and nothing could hold you back. You wanted to go up the stairs a million times. You wanted to practice standing on everything you saw. With every new milestone you've reached, I have been so proud and excited but also a little sad. I miss my dark-haired newborn girl. But I love this new you too. Can I just have clones of you at every age please?

I think if there was something I wanted to tell you on your birthday, my sweetheart, it would be that in the past twelve months I have grown to love you more than anything I have ever loved. Of course I loved you when you were in my belly, but we have something very special now. You know me and you love you. I know you do based on how many kisses and cuddles you give me everyday. Everyone always told me "you'll know what I mean when you have kids of your own" and now I get it. My heart has grown a hundred times larger than it ever was. My perspective on life has changed completely and you are to blame.

I don't know how or why I was so lucky to get you. I wouldn't have picked anyone else to be my daughter. I can't wait for another year of adventures with you. A year of hearing you talk more (and yell less, hopefully). A year of more doggies to pet, more books to read. More boo-boos to kiss and more tears to wipe. Another year of happiness like none I've ever known.

I love you to infinity and beyond,

Mama

Esper's 1st Birthday Party (Guests & Presents)

2011-07-06T16:43:00.000-07:00

If you have friends who are also great photographers, it might be worth it to ask them to take pictures at the party in case you don't have time. In my case, I didn't even have to ask. My friend Ryan is a great photographer and took some gorgeous shots (including the one above) at the party.


I did have time to take this shot of my sweetie though. :)


Her eyes lit up when she saw the Many Kisses Elmo my parents got her. I don't know why, but Elmo is like crack for babies.


Of course Ryan got her a stuffed Chewbacca that howls. Adorable, especially considering we used to call her Chewbacca when she was smaller because she sounded like him.


She also got lots of books as gifts. She adores books so much! Here she is reading with Daddy and Elmo.

We had a game outside for the kids- they dug through sand to find buried treasure aka chocolate coins and necklaces.

I got the idea for these questionnaires here. They were for a baby shower but I thought they would be great for Esper to look back on years from now. I LOVE the answers our friends and family gave. Some are sweet, some are funny, all are full of love.

I loved having all of our family and best friends there. My brother was in town from Alaska and hadn't even met Esper yet so that made it extra special. Thanks to our family and friends from out of town who sent presents and gift cards. The party was a bit stressful for me to plan so thanks also to my mom who helped so much and to Andrea who took care of the cake and cookies. Everything was worth it to see the sweet smile on my baby's face.

Esper's 1st Birthday Party (The Cake)

2011-07-06T16:22:00.000-07:00


Esper's cake was so cute. It was chocolate and we let her have the whole thing.


She got very shy when we all started singing "Happy Birthday" to her. I got the idea to put ribbon on her highchair from Emily Kate's blog.


She didn't attack it so much, but she liked touching it and picking at it.


I was very surprised she kept this hat on long enough for some pictures.

She loved just rubbing the frosting between her fingers. Silly girl.

Esper's 1st Birthday Party (Decor and Food)

2011-07-05T13:40:00.000-07:00

This blog post will contain pictures of the decorations for Esper's party as well as links to where I got the ideas. The coming posts will have pictures of her at the party.

Esper is absolutely in love with fish so I used that as the theme for her party.


The invitation I designed in Stampin' Up!'s My Digital Studio. I was going to print and mail these but ended up just emailing them to save money.


The balloons were put up by my roommate Jen (with help from Jeff). The cute banner was made by my mom.

I made a raspberry punch and was really bummed that the shark fin ice didn't float at the top like it was supposed to.
I froze it wrong. :(


Clam Sugar Cookies, idea found here. Made by my fabulous friend Andrea.


I used My Digital Studio to make matching tags for the dessert table.


Seashells found at the dollar store.

Cupcakes made by Andrea. Idea for them and the cake found here.


I loved the cake. She used graham cracker crumbs for the sand.

Party favor bags. Inside were fish stickers, a rubber ducky, and a bottle of bubbles.

Lots more ideas for an Under the Sea party found here on my Pinterest.

My Photoshop Hero

2011-06-29T13:52:00.000-07:00

I just had to share this photo edit Jeff did. He swapped heads and removed people from the background. Check out the before and after:

Before:

After:

By the way, this is Jeff's brother Jon and his family. Aren't they beautiful??

Lookalikes

2011-06-27T16:09:00.000-07:00

I recently found this picture of Libby. Don't you think her and Esper look so much alike? I think it's the smile.

Preserving the Everyday

2011-06-17T18:50:00.000-07:00

I've realized that the memories I want to preserve, the stories I want to tell, are not necessarily what I've been focusing on. Sometimes I need a reminder from people like Ali Edwards.

I want to remember days like the one we had last week. Jeff, Jen, the kids and I were all outside sitting on the lawn eating popsicles. Jeff was throwing a baseball and Lake and Libby were chasing after it. It was a fun summer evening spent giggling and joking and kids tackling their dad. These are the things I want to remember.

The everyday routines. The things we do over and over and over.

Like eating meals.

Eating lunch today I opened the door to let the breeze blow in. I was nursing a headache with Diet Coke. A headache created by a crying baby who wouldn't nap. The baby was eating cheese and blueberries and getting it all over herself, like usual.

Like dancing for the baby to make her laugh.

Like how when I ask for a kiss, the baby will always oblige, even with a mouth full of food.

I want to remember these everyday moments.

And so I will do my best to preserve them. Even if that means putting my camera on a table and pushing the self-timer.

Bucket List (then and now)

2011-06-16T21:01:00.000-07:00

Back in 2006 I made this list on 43Things.com and recently remembered it and wondered if it would still be online. I was surprised at what I wanted the most in my life five years ago.

1. Lose weight

Well technically I have lost weight, gained it, and lost it again. But I am proud of where my body is now.

2. Promote to Supervisor as a Stampin' Up! demonstrator

This was back when I was a demo the first time, and I was really close to making it with two recruits. Now I'm close to being dropped. It would be nice to be able to make a business out of my hobbies, but I don't think I'm willing to put in the time to do that.

3. Go back to Hawaii

I'm just glad I was able to go there in the first place, but yes I'd love to be able to go back with Jeff and Esper one day.

4. Save the turtles

I was obsessed with trying to save those sweet little baby sea turtles and wished I could spend a summer in Greece protecting turtle nests. It's not realistic but boy would that be fun.

5. Like myself

I'm working on it...

6. Have a garden

I still would like to do this one day. Maybe I will see if Daybreak has any community plots available.

7. Beat my depression

I don't know if this is a realistic desire. I think I've learned better how to deal with it in the last five years. I think I can learn skills and equip myself with tools to handle it, but I don't think it's ever going away completely.

8. Run for political office

I don't really want to do this anymore. hehe

9. Visit New York City

DONE! :)

10. Earn a Bachelor's degree

Still working on it...

11. Have kids

DONE! :) (well singular, I don't think I will be having any more.)

12. Learn to play guitar

I tried this a few times and my poor girly fingers got all sore and couldn't stretch to reach the chords very well. I know I could do it if I wanted, but there are things I would rather learn at this point.

If I were to add to this list, here are some of the things I would want to do now:

Teach Esper how to ice-skate.
Have more scrapbook layouts or cards published in books or magazines.
Further develop my sewing skills.
Read LOTS of books.
Have a *somewhat* successful blog.
Go back to NYC with Jeff.
Go back to my hometown in southern California.
Take a Yoga class.
Take Esper to the ocean.
Become a Developmental Therapist for babies and small children.
Travel a lot with my little family.

It's amazing how much what you want changes in five years.

Baby in a Pool

2011-06-15T20:35:00.000-07:00

So, what to do on a warm summer day with a baby who loves to be outside but constantly falls down while learning to walk?

I purchased this inflatable pool for $8.00 at Wal-Mart. I'd say it was money well spent. Although, filling it with water from the hose does not work. She freaked out at how cold it was. So I had Jeff fill up a bucket with warm water and bring it outside. That did the trick.


I love that we finally got a picture showing her one tooth!


Is there anything yummier than naked baby thighs and feet in the summertime?


Her new favorite thing is doing the hand motions for "5 Little Monkeys." It's pretty much the cutest thing ever.


Probably my favorite shot of the day. Look Mom, I'm standing!!

Esper took a nice long nap after all the splashing, so overall I think $8.00 (and a hand-me-down Baby Gap swimsuit from my friend Kristie) makes for an excellent way to spend a summer day. I would love to hear what you do with your kids in the summertime, so leave me a comment!

Memorial Day

2011-06-15T20:01:00.000-07:00

Jeff, Esper, and I went on a drive on Memorial Day. We weren't planning on ending up at a cemetery, but when we were in Sandy, I made Jeff stop by where my Shaw grandparents are buried.

I had been having a very hard week, and seeing my Grandpa Shaw's grave site really made me emotional. I miss him so much and wish that I could make people as happy as he made me. I also wish Esper could have met him. He would have adored her.

I am proud to have known and loved both him and my grandmother. Remembering them made me think about the legacy I am leaving behind. I want to be a loving and patient mother, step-mother, and partner. I want to focus on the positive rather than letting my depression rule my life. Mostly, I want to show Esper how to be a good person.

Esper: Month 10 Mosaic

2011-06-09T09:44:00.000-07:00

Protecting Myself from Hurt

2011-06-09T09:07:00.000-07:00

I read this letter that a woman wrote to herself on The Stepfamily Letter Project and it really spoke to me.

If there is one thing that separates you from everyone else in this blended family, it’s your understanding of why those involved have behaved as they have. What a gift that has been.

You understand that hateful behavior is often a symptom of fear. You know that those who struggle so hard to dominate are often those who live in fear the most. You’ve come to truly understand that you can’t control anyone else, and have found your ability to set limits when others attempt to control you.

While you can now understand why others are stuck in their cycle of hate and you are able to feel empathy for them rather than resentment; you have also learned that engaging them only opens more pipelines for their hate toward you. Thank you for finally closing those opportunities and for protecting your spirit from further hurt.

No longer do you feel the urge to gain anyone’s approval. No longer is your self-worth in the hands of someone else. No longer do you feel the need to prove malicious gossip wrong. You finally understand that cruel behavior is a reflection of the giver, not the recipient.

You were released when you came to these realizations. I wish that you could have had these realizations many years ago. Your life would have been so much better.

I hope I can use these words to inspire me. I want to come to the realizations she has.

Esper @ Eleven Months

2011-06-09T08:54:00.000-07:00

I love...

...how you suck on sippy cup tops. Sometimes you let go and think you're so clever.


...how excited you are in the mornings to see Dad and I.

...when you climb inside the entertainment center to play with DVDs.

...how clever you think you are when you discover something new like sitting in a lid.

...how your tongue is ALWAYS sticking out.


...how beautiful your eyes are.

...how much you love clapping and singing "5 Little Monkeys."

...how much you love animals and enjoy petting them and giving them kisses.

...the crazy things I see you sitting or standing on to reach things you want.

...how much you adore snuggling and giving hugs and kisses.

...how your eyes scrunch up when you smile really big at us.

...that sometimes you just want to hold Mama's finger while you eat your dinner.

I love you so much and can't believe you are going to turn one in a couple weeks!

Look how she's growing!

Lake's 5th Birthday

2011-05-23T11:02:00.000-07:00

We threw a party for Lake last week and invited our families over to celebrate. I made him a Spiderman cake per his request. I am not really a baker so I used a mix and can frosting. I took Lake with me to get all the ingredients and he loved helping me pick out everything (especially the blue frosting). He got some fun presents including a slip n' slide from Aunt April and family, a Spiderman web shooter, and an ice-cream playdoh set. I can't believe he's five already! I love his freckles, his curious nature, and his hugs. I love how long it took him to make a wish when he blew out his candles, and the big grin on his face when he finally thought of a good one.


Everyone singing "Happy Birthday" to Lake.

Lake loved attacking Libby and his cousins with silly string.

My First Mother's Day

2011-05-23T10:27:00.000-07:00

We spent a rainy Mother's Day just hanging around at home. Jeff and I both have amazing moms who do so much for us. I'm glad I've had such great examples to teach me how to raise my daughter.

And even though the L's were with their mom, I thought of them, and how they too taught me how to be a mom. I'm grateful for that.

Esper @ Ten Months

2011-05-16T15:31:00.000-07:00


As you can see, it was very hard to get a good picture of her sitting next to her bear. These will have to do.

My Dear Baby Girl,
You are so big! Ten months. I can't believe it. I'll blink and it will be your first birthday. I am in denial about the fact that you are quickly becoming a toddler and not a baby anymore. At least this age has turned you into a cuddle bug, which I fully support. If you growing bigger means I get more hugs and kisses, then I guess I'm okay with it.
You are such a Mama's girl. You are fine with other people until I walk into the room. When you see me, you reach for me. I love that I am your comfort.
While you love me, you also adore your dad. You walk around all day chattering, but mostly what you say is "Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-DA-da-da-DA-DA!" He likes to rub it in, but I remind him that your first word was Mama. He recently started working from home, and you know that he's in his office all day so you crawl in there constantly, making sure he's still there.
You also love to climb the stairs, and you would do it all day if I'd let you. But you're still learning how to go down the stairs, and that makes me nervous.
You have been standing up and walking holding on to things for a while now, so it was no surprise when you took your first two steps without help the other day. You were so proud! Whenever you balance by yourself, you lift your hands up above your head and cheer. It's pretty much the cutest thing ever.
We went on a road trip to see your other grandparents, and you slept so well until you started doing some major teething. We went through some rough nights with you waking up every few hours. One night was so bad that our dear, sweet friend Ashley drove in the middle of the night to come rescue us. She is the Baby Whisperer and even she had a hard time getting you to calm down. I can finally feel your first tooth coming in, which makes me so happy. You are very ready to eat what Mom & Dad are eating. I have just started to give you solid food on your highchair and you love it. (Plus, Mom can get stuff done while you sit and eat.) You must be going through a growth spurt because you also drink a whole 8 oz bottle after your meals and want more.
You love your brother & sister and must be in whatever room they are in. You enjoy just watching them play. Libby loves sharing a room with you so much that if we take you out to feed you, she sobs. We have to calmly explain to her that you are coming back. Lake is so sweet to you and will share toys with you that he won't even let Libby touch. I really hope that you have a good relationship with them your whole life, but I know when you get older and start being able to take things from them, life won't always be this sweet. But for now, we all enjoy it.
While I think holidays like Mother's Day are a bit silly (you should tell your mom you love her every day!) I do enjoy being able to be part of this glorious thing called Motherhood. Anytime I am away from you, I just want to be back with you. I am excited for the rest of your life. The dance recitals, the school programs, the outings only you and I will go on. I get giddy thinking about trips to the zoo, birthday parties, and introducing you to my favorite music.
One of my favorite things in the world right now is when Dad and I bring you into bed with us to play. Dad tickles you and chases you and tosses you onto the bed and you laugh big belly laughs. Somehow, it makes the long days easier and much too short.
Thank you for loving me. I will love you even when you slam your door at me.
Love, Mama

Look how she's growing!

Making Brownies

2011-05-13T12:06:00.000-07:00

Lake & Libby absolutely love helping. Whether it's cooking dinner, baking treats, or even cleaning the house, they are our awesome little helpers.

Here we are making brownies (from a mix, of course) one night.


Ha ha love Libby's drunk expression

This is Libby's personality epitomized.

Tulip Festival at Thanksgiving Point

2011-05-13T11:45:00.000-07:00

So Jeff's best friend growing up, Steve, lives really close to us. It's been so fun to do things with him and his wife Lori and baby Weston. Last week the weather was really nice one day so we went to the annual Tulip Festival at Thanksgiving Point. I had never been before and it was a lot of fun (even though I got sunburned on my arms). Jeff brought his camera and took so many cute pictures of Esper.


Lori, me, and the babies in their strollers


We think she's teething so her hands are always in her mouth.


"Mom! Cut it out!"


She was very interested in the tulips.


Checking out cool baby Weston's feet. (Seriously check out those shades!)


Looking at the fishies at the Koi pond.


Our cute family in the Secret Garden

My favorite picture of the day (LOVE that smile!)

Jeff also took the kids, just the three of them, one day. Here's a picture he took:

My 28th Birthday

2011-05-10T16:22:00.000-07:00

I had a great 28th birthday. Jeff let me sleep in while he took care of Esper. He did this throughout the day, even letting me nap later. It was so sweet of him. That night we met up with a bunch of friends at J. Wong's Bistro downtown. (They have the best walnut shrimp.)


Denae made me the cute flower in my hair.


Two of my favorite people, Amber and Denae.


Ashley and Oslo


Esper and her new friend Oslo.


Jen and Esper

Marty cracks me up! And he adores Esper.

*Thanks Amber and Denae for pictures!

Esper: Month 9 Mosaic

2011-05-09T19:23:00.000-07:00

Yes, most of these photos use the Instagram iPhone app so they have filters on them. If you use that app, my username is eekabear14.

New Baby Must-Haves

2011-05-01T13:19:00.000-07:00

I have a few friends who just had babies so I thought I'd share some of my favorite baby product must-haves.

Munchkin spoons

These spoons are the perfect size for new feeders and they come in lots of fun colors.

Munchkin Fresh Food Feeder

These mesh feeders are amazing. Esper loves chomping on strawberries, peaches, grapes, any fruit really! This way babies won't choke on small pieces- they just get the juice. And if you put frozen fruit in them, they double as teethers.

Homedics SS-3000 Soundspa Lullaby

My friend Ashley told me about this. Esper usually goes to bed to lullabies, but this has music, ocean sounds, and other nature sounds. It also has a projector that puts images up on the ceiling. Some nights it's the only way to get her to calm down. She especially loves the fishies. We found it at Target for $20.

Ikea Kalas Bowls

These bowls are perfect for mixing baby food and cereal. Plus at $1.99 it's a steal.

Sony Baby Call Nursery Monitor

When I was registering for baby items, I saw another couple registering and I asked them which baby monitor was the best. They said this one. So I was excited when Jeff's work bought them for us. They have a sound sensor, so they only turn on when activated by sound. And there are so many frequencies that you don't end up picking up the sound of the neighbor's baby crying.

Amazon's Subscribe & Save program for diapers

Everyone has their favorite brand of diapers and for a while I used Pampers but then I tried Luvs and they fit Esper better and are cheaper. And if you use Subscribe & Save on Amazon, you save so much money! I paid about $24 for 200 diapers. You really can't pay that price anywhere for diapers. Plus you can get whatever brand you use.

Avent sippy cups

I love the cute designs on these cups, and the soft spout makes them perfect for teaching your baby how to use a cup. They also came with lids for the spouts that click open that are great for taking in the car.

That's it for now! I hope I helped some of you moms out there see some awesome products.

Pictures From Our Trip

2011-04-30T21:34:00.000-07:00

We went to Elk Grove, CA last week for Jeff's nephew's baby blessing and to spend Easter with family. We had such a fun time visiting, holding new babies, and playing with nieces and nephews. Esper did okay with the traveling but decided she didn't like sleeping towards the end of our stay. We got to visit two good friends and I got to see my aunt and my grandpa. Here are some pictures other people took during our stay.

Oh, and here's my favorite picture from Easter :)

Micke Grove Zoo

2011-04-27T11:47:00.000-07:00

I really wanted to take Esper to a zoo while we were here so on Tuesday we went to the Micke Grove Zoo with Jeff's parents and brother Jami. They had lots of birds, monkeys, and even a sleepy snow leopard. Esper looked so cute in her little hat and the weather was so nice that day. I really wanted to go into the building where the birds come and fly on you but it was closed for cleaning. :( Esper would have loved that.

Looking so cute on top of the turtle.

Pointing at Daddy

We loved the Lemurs!

My Everyday

2011-04-25T16:32:00.000-07:00

Feeding her lunch.
"How big is Esper? So big!"
Give Mama a kiss!
Giant hug while grasping hair as hard as she can.
I love this.

Zaner

2011-04-25T15:49:00.000-07:00

I have a new best friend. His name is Zane. He likes to ask a million questions like, "Why don't snakes have legs?" and "Why are sharks so mean?"

He and I were watching Oceans last night and cuddling. We were sharing a blanket and his little fingers would tickle my toes every few minutes to try and make me laugh. He had to go back home today and I already miss his spiderman-mask-wearing face.

I love our squinty eyes.

Elk Grove Park

2011-04-23T21:13:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday night Jeff and I left for California and decided to drive all the way through the night. It was pretty easy with Esper sleeping the whole way. She would wake every time we stopped for gas and then fall back asleep. We hit snow and ice in Donner Pass and that was pretty scary in the middle of the night but we got through it okay. We got to Elk Grove (Jeff's hometown) at 3am. Jeff's brother and his family are staying here too so it's been a lot of fun, especially for Esper. She loves her cousins!

Yesterday we went to Elk Grove park to feed the ducks. It's something we have to do every time we come.


Esper and her cousin Emmie waving at us.


Smiling at Grandpa while he takes a picture of her.

I'm very proud I took this one (Jeff took the others)

And like always, our activity turned into an Esper photo shoot.

Esper @ Nine Months

2011-04-05T12:13:00.000-07:00

That tongue is always out as you can see.

Says "uh uh uh uh uh uh uh - oh" all day long.
Can CRAWL! She is pretty fast too.
Loves to chase the cat around all day long.
Pulls herself up to stand on everything. Loves to practice walking while you hold her hands. We think she'll be walking in a month.
Has to be where everyone else is. Especially when the kids are here, she will follow them around.
Tends to fall a lot and bang her head on things. :(
Can finally put herself to sleep if we lay her down in her crib.
Has had some really hard times sleeping lately. We think she may be getting teeth. The only way she'll stop crying is if Daddy takes her downstairs for some YouTube viewing time.
Did great at her 9-month appointment. Her doctor says she is doing everything she should and is even ahead of most babies her age.
Even though she hasn't hit the weight limit, she is so tall that our doctor recommended we upgrade her car seat.
She loves going for rides in the car and walks in her stroller.
Loves being pushed in the swing at the playground.
Absolutely hates getting her diaper changed and will wiggle so much, making it very hard on Mama.
Loves her little Leap Frog music table. She will dance by moving up and down.
She will also sing along with her sleeping music at night.
Will mimic you if you cough or laugh.
If you laugh too hard, she will burst into tears.
Likes Sesame Street and anything with music.
Adores her Brobee and usually goes to bed with him.
Loves strangers, especially young handsome men. :)
I think her favorite people in the world other than us are her Grandma and Grandpa.
Still prefers playing with paper over regular toys.
Can climb up one stair.
Can stand holding onto nothing for a few seconds!
Loves going to see animals at the Farm.
Has learned how to splash in the bath using her hands AND her feet. It's adorable.
Is eating more adult food like rice, little bits of cereal bars and other things I'm eating. She needs teeth already!
Still goes to bed around 8:30 and doesn't wake up until 10 am! (unless her sis is here and wakes her up at 7am)

Stats at 9 Months: Weight: 17.31 lbs or 23%; Length: 28.35 in or 77%; Head: 17.6 in or 74%

Look how she's growing!

Esper pictures by Kat

2011-04-04T20:57:00.000-07:00

Out great friend Kat took these adorable pictures of Esper at the pizza party a few weeks ago. They are great and I seriously love them! Click here to see her photos. She's just starting photography, but she's already light years ahead of where I was at this stage. I love having talented friends. And anyone is welcome to take pictures of my baby anytime! :)

Esper: Month 8 Mosaic

2011-03-28T20:13:00.000-07:00

Pizza Party

2011-03-23T16:23:00.000-07:00

Two Saturday's ago we had some friends (Carty, Ryan, Vi, Kat, Christa, Lindsay, Andrea, Robbie, Nick, and Jen) over for pizza. Jeff learned how to make homemade dough from our friend Lori and it is super yummy. We also watched the movie Empire Records. Esper loved all the attention, especially from the boys.

That's my kind of pizza: no gross ingredients like mushrooms or peppers!


Ryan trying to get Esper to wave at him


Holding on to Carty's thumb as tight as she can.


Practicing her walking with Uncle Carty.

Ok so I seem to have taken more pictures of my baby than of the party-goers but I can't help it!!

Crawling

2011-03-20T12:03:00.000-07:00

Esper surprised me about three weeks ago by doing this:

But then for weeks she would just try and get frustrated. Until St. Patrick's Day. She just woke up and started going! I'm so proud of her. She inches along very slowly but it gets her where she wants to go. She already has lots of bruises from falling. I have to keep the floor very clean and go get some baby gates. Look how cute she is... (I made Daddy take some pictures.)

She loves her Brobee!


See the bruise on her forehead?

She learned how to clap and does it all the time now.

I love my little crawling Bug!

Grandma Shaw's Funeral

2011-03-13T21:45:00.000-07:00

In February my dad's mother, my sweet Grandma Lydia Ava Billings Shaw passed away. She has had Alzheimer's for the past four years and so in a way we've been saying goodbye to her for a while now. I was able to take Esper to meet her a week before she passed away. I know she won't remember that but it was still a special evening. The funeral brought my uncle's family from California and my cousin from Texas to town. It was good to be with so much family.

The funeral was in Provo. Then we drove up to Sandy for the burial. The wind made it freezing cold. Esper was so grouchy until I wrapped two blankets around her. She was holding little cousin Gideon's hand too which was so cute.

Aunt Joan holding baby Serena, Gideon, Esper, me, Aidan, Eva, and Katie

Dad, Uncle Wayne, Brandon, and Kirk

After the burial we headed up to Taylorsville for a luncheon at Randy and Joan's church.

Mom, Serena, me and Esper

I look exhausted in the above picture. What a very crazy weekend that was. I was rushing to make a slideshow of pictures of Grandma Shaw when I found out that my brother-in-law Bryan was in the hospital with a brain aneurysm. Everything turned out okay but while all of that was happening, Jeff's back went out. I had to take him to the insta-care while Mom and our roommate Jen watched the kids. Meanwhile my dad was out of town for work and had to fly in the day of the funeral and fly back out the day after. It was hard not having him home that weekend. Then we found out that my brother got in a car accident in Alaska that totaled his truck. Luckily he was okay. Sometimes life gets really hard but I am thankful for the support of my family when we all need each other.

Here's the video I made of her life:

Ava Shaw from Erica Shaw on Vimeo.

8 Months In, 8 Months Out

2011-03-10T20:43:00.000-08:00

Sixteen months ago I took a pregnancy test and it was positive and I was in shock. Eight months ago I went through fifteen hours of labor to meet my girl. I remember how nervous I was. I was so scared I would never sleep and never get out of the house again. That was partly true. I didn't sleep much the first two months of her life. But then it was only one feeding a night and then at five months she was pretty much sleeping the entire night. Things like the idea of no sleep would cause me great anxiety as I prepared for Esper to come. But the funny thing is, I was able to do it. I really don't know how. I had a hard time getting to my job every day by 9am and yet I was very able to get up every three hours with my baby to feed her. Sure, taking care of a baby is hard but the things that I find the hardest are surprising. Sure I don't get out of the house very much but I don't really want to. Once the weekend comes, I find I would much rather cuddle up with a good book than go out with friends. Sometimes Esper gets bored from playing with toys in the living room and gets cranky. That's when it gets hard. It helps to get out of the house and find things for her and I to do even if it's just story time at the library. I don't have enough friends that have babies for me to socialize with and I get lonely. That's when it gets hard. Sometimes I'm hungry but so is Esper and so she comes first. Sometimes I need to go to the bathroom and she screams when I leave the room. So I learn how to hold it until she's napping. ;) That's when it's hard.

When we come back to get Esper from my parents' after a date she is so excited to see me. When I wake up in the morning she is the first thing I want to see. She gets so excited and I can't wait to hug her. When I lay her down in bed next to me for nap time, we stare at each other until her eyes close slowly and she drifts into a peaceful sleep. I love to watch her sleep. Sometimes when she doesn't want to nap, she'll roll over close to me and lay her head on my arm. When she's playing with her toys, she will turn around and look at me about thirty times just to make sure I'm still there. She always smiles. That smile is my world. And it doesn't matter how hard it gets. These eight months have been the best months of my life. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

Esper @ Eight Months

2011-03-09T20:22:00.000-08:00

She can now wave at people. It's the cutest thing ever.
She's learning how to clap. It's so cute watching her little hands join together.
Her little pointer finger is always out pointing at things on toys, in books, on Mommy. She has to touch everything with that cute little finger.
She still loves animals and attempts to crawl to our cat, who frantically runs away. When she grabs my parents' cat, she grabs handfuls of his hair and pulls hard.
She is doing this half crawl, half scoot, half roll thing. She will be full on crawling any day now though.
She can stand up holding on to things and will usually let go of one hand or both hands. She's so fearless!
She has started to say "uh?" a million times a day. It's like she's asking us what everything is. Uh? Uh? Uh? It's pretty darn cute.
She loves music and watching musicals with me.
She HATES getting her diaper changed. That requires her to lay down and at the moment, she'd rather be going, going, going. So there's some hollering as I attempt to hold her down and get a new diaper on her. I frequently dress her while she's sitting or standing up.
She is waking up earlier in the morning which makes for longer naps and going to bed earlier. I know I should have started waking her up earlier months ago, but I really enjoyed sleeping in until 10:30.
She tried yogurt for the first time the other day and loved it. Now I usually feed it to her for breakfast.
She is soooo cute when she first wakes up in the morning. If my door is open, I can see her standing up in her crib from my bed and her little smile when she first sees Mama or Dada is priceless. Best part of the day.
She's now big enough to sit in highchairs and the shopping cart. She is so well behaved when we go places and will entertain herself by throwing her toys on the floor at least fifty times.

Look how she's growing!

Esper: Month 7 Mosaic

2011-03-02T21:32:00.000-08:00

Post-Partum Depression

2011-03-01T14:06:00.000-08:00

They say it takes nine months to grow a baby, so it should take nine months for your body to recover from having one. If that's the case, I think the sun is coming out. It's been a hard eight months. Not because of HER. Oh, no. She is the glorious rays of sun shining down through the clouds.

I went into pregnancy with my brain chemicals already screwed up, and pregnancy just threw more garbage on the landfill that is my emotional well-being. In September I checked into the Emergency Room for PPD because I had hit a wall and I needed help.

I hope there aren't women out there that feel that what is happening to them is something they need to snap out of. I hope they have partners like Jeff who take them seriously when they say, "Honey, I need help. Something is not right." I hope they have the support system that I had from my family and friends.

But mostly? I hope they will know that there is a calm after the storm. There is a day in the future when you will look back on it all and be proud of how much stronger it made you.

Because it will.

Baby Nom-Nom

2011-02-28T19:59:00.000-08:00

Esper is such a good eater. She eats at least two jars of baby food each day (sometimes I make my own) and loves these little rice teething biscuits. She'll also have fruit in her mesh feeder. So far she is not picky and will eat anything, her favorites being green beans and anything with blueberries in it. (Oh and she's tried and LOVES ice-cream.) She likes to put her legs up on the table while she eats.

Speaking of tricks... Esper learned how to wave "hi!" today!

2011-02-26T14:26:00.001-08:00

Soooooo Big!

2011-02-26T13:38:00.001-08:00

Esper learned a new trick!

Esper @ Seven Months

2011-02-17T12:38:00.000-08:00

Her hair is growing in so much! As you can see from these photos, it is all over the place. We just laugh at her crazy hair sticking up in every direction that she got from her daddy.
She is getting such a little personality! I feel like I can see more and more each day who she's going to grow up to be.
She constantly does this little head tilt thing when she looks at us and it is ADORABLE!
She isn't saying "MA-MA-MA-MA-MA" as much as she was last month but she does babble a lot and scream like a little raptor.
Since she started eating baby food at 6 months, she is now a pro at it. Her favorites are definitely the veggies. She likes sweet potatoes, squash, and green beans the best. She is also learning how to drink juice from a sippy cup and mostly likes to bite on the spout.
She loves having fruit in her mesh feeder and eating biter biscuits that dissolve into mush.
She adores little kids, and will get very excited when they are around.
When excited, she flaps her arms around in front of her face and makes the cutest little noise.
She also adores animals and will get excited when they are around. Our cat doesn't let her pet her, so she just has to admire from afar.
I try to not turn on the TV too much when just the two of us are home but for a while I would watch a lot of episodes of Bones, so now the Bones theme song is her favorite thing ever. She will look up from whatever she is doing to watch it.
She is SO close to crawling. She can get up on her knees from a sitting position and will get up on all fours and rock back and forth.
She has only started to show stranger anxiety this month. She will hide her head in Mommy's chest and sometimes cry. But the longer she sees the person, the more she warms up to them. For the most part, she loves any and all people.
She does this hilarious fake cough thing to get our attention.
She hates getting dressed and being put into her car seat.
She does like going for rides in the car or on walks in the stroller and will usually fall asleep.
She will sometimes fight her sleep and purse her lips together so you can't put her binky in her mouth. It's really funny.
She is starting to become such a cuddly little Mama's girl and I LOVE it! :)

Look how she's growing!

Esper: Month 6 Mosaic

2011-02-17T11:04:00.000-08:00

Esper @ Six Months

2011-02-17T10:14:00.000-08:00

Stats at 6 Months: Weight: 15.32 lbs or 37%; Length: 26.67 in or 83%; Head: 17.3 in or 88%

Look how she's growing!

Christmas 2010

2011-02-12T12:31:00.000-08:00

Yup, I'm blogging about Christmas in February. Woot.

This was the first year we got the kids overnight on Christmas Eve. It was a lot of fun. We took them to Aunt April's house for our traditional crab dinner and had a blast playing with cousins. When we got home we opened our new pajamas and left out cookies for Santa and carrots for the reindeer.

This year the kids seemed to get the whole Santa thing and were very excited. Last year we got them lots of gifts and they didn't seem very interested in opening them so this year I kept it very simple and got them each one large gift plus stocking gifts and pajamas. Unfortunately, they really enjoyed it and Libby especially kept asking for more gifts.

Libby got a princess castle and Lake got fun play-doh tools and lots of play-doh. In their stockings they got coloring books, stickers, silly putty, candy, and more. Esper got a soft baby doll, a ball popper toy thing, and some finger puppets and board books in her stocking. Daddy got some DVD's and clothes and I got some cute clothes and boots. (Jeff did GOOD!)

We got everyone dressed and headed to Grandma Julie & Grandpa Dallas's house for brunch and more presents.

The kids love being with Aidan and they all tend to get over-stimulated in each others' presence. They just go crazy running and chasing and playing.

Libby opened some new books and Lake got some more PLAY-DOH. (hooray!)

Esper got some books and toys but of course preferred the ribbon and wrapping paper.

After brunch we went home and had naps. When we woke up we played with our toys.

"Esper this is a B. B says BUHHH."

Esper with the new toy Grandma Julie got her.

"Ca-ca can I hold Esper?"

It was really fun to experience Esper's first Christmas and to feel like a complete family as we all enjoyed the holidays together. :)

Esper Giggling at Libby

2011-01-12T21:25:00.000-08:00

Esper adores her siblings and they make her laugh more than Jeff and I do. On this day we took the kids to visit their Grandpa Rod and Libby was making Esper laugh playing peek-a-boo with her.

Esper: Month 5 Mosaic

2011-01-10T16:57:00.000-08:00

Esper @ Five Months

2011-01-10T16:19:00.000-08:00

Look how she's growing!

Thanksgiving 2010

2011-01-10T16:15:00.000-08:00

We had a great day spent at my parents' house watching Esper play with her cousins. This was the week I had my gall bladder out so I was not feeling very well and didn't get to eat as much as I normally would. This year my blessings seem in abundance with such a sweet daughter around. She is the joy in our lives. She is what makes everything worth it. I am so grateful to have her. I am honored to get to be her mother.

Girl's Night Out

2010-11-06T23:49:00.000-07:00

One night in September I met up with a few of my friends at The Cheesecake Factory for a Girl's Night Out. Some of us met on Twitter, and it's been so fun meeting so many great people on there.

(From left) Amanda, Gabi, Me, Doxees & daughter (she keeps her online identity anonymous so I'm gonna respect that here ;), and Christa. Doxees brought me the cutest gift for Esper, which was so sweet of her.

This was probably the first night that Jeff was home alone with Esper. He was joking around on Twitter about being a terrible baby-sitter, and came up with this idea. All of our friends gave him suggestions for new locations. We were all checking our phones at dinner and someone showed me the first pic and I died I was laughing so hard. It's a good thing he didn't put her in the kitty litter box or the toilet. I would have killed him.

First, she was in the fridge.

Then, the dishwasher.

The stove, of course. Esper soup anyone?

And finally, everyone's favorite: the dryer.

I don't think Daddy's going to be watching Esper again anytime soon...

Esper @ Four Months

2010-11-06T09:53:00.000-07:00

Esper LOVES her feet. She constantly grabs them. They are her favorite toy. They are also crossed at the ankle a lot, which is adorable.
She's not talking as much as she did last month, but she's giggling a lot more.
She's super ticklish especially below her shoulder blades and on her thighs.
She seems to like the car much better than she did last month. She only gets mad if she's hungry or fighting her sleep while stuck in her chair.
She has her first cold right now, and the poor girl has snot constantly coming out... poor thing :/
She's very social this month and will smile and laugh at new people. One day at the doctor's office she just randomly burst into laughter at the nurse and later at the doctor. They weren't even looking at her.
She's rolling so well! She will go from stomach to back and occasionally from back to stomach.
She still wakes once at night to eat usually between 4:30-6 am but will go to sleep around 8 pm and wake up between 9-10 am. It's very nice. :)
She had a few days there where she was crying a LOT and we assumed she was starting to teeth, but still no sign of any.
She had her 4 month appt and her stats are: 13 lbs (34%) and 25 in (73%) and her head is 82%. Hooray for growing! Tall, skinny, with a big head. :)
She still needs to be swaddled to sleep, and if she gets out of her swaddle she'll wake herself up. Luckily we discovered the Halo Sleep Sack which is solving our problems. Of course, we'll have to train her to not be swaddled when she is rolling consistently.
She loves it when Daddy and Jen come home and she'll flirt with them.
She's started doing this thing where she buries her head in my neck and I absolutely love it. It's like she's giving me little loves.
She loves it when I kiss her all over her cheeks and it will always make her happy, even if she's crying.
I gave her rice cereal for the first time this week and she seemed to enjoy it but is still learning what to do with her tongue while she eats. A lot of it comes out, but some manages to go in.
I usually have the TV on when I'm feeding her and she is constantly trying to turn her head so she can watch it. She especially loves Futurama and the opening credits of Dexter. Yup, I have Mommy guilt for that. haha
She's losing all that glorious hair that she was born with and it makes Mom sad, but hopefully it will grow back soon.
The back of her head is pretty flat so we have to go see a plastic surgeon about it. I really don't want her to have to wear a helmet to fix it, but we'll do what we need to.
She is holding toys really well now and likes ring toys the best. Anything her little fingers can hold onto and grip.
She is a patient little errand running buddy and will be happy most of the time as long as she can see Mommy.
She LOVES going on walks in the stroller and will just look around at everything and not cry even a tiny bit the whole time we're gone.
She still takes about 3 naps a day. If she's having a hard time sleeping, I'll take her in my bed and it works like a charm. It's comfortable, plus she likes looking at me as she falls asleep. I try to limit it, though, so she doesn't get used to being in our bed.
We had our first night away from her when we went to a friend's cabin overnight. My mom and dad watched her and she was great but I had the hardest time leaving her. I just kept kissing her and Jeff had to drag me out of the house. I'm so attached.
I can't believe I love her this much. It's amazing. She is my favorite and I can't believe I ever lived my life without her.

Stats at 4 Months: Weight: 13.01 lbs or 34%; Length: 24.9 in or 73%; Head: 16.6 in or 82%

Look how she's growing!

Past entries:

Esper @ Two and Three Months

Esper @ One Month

Videos of Esper

2010-11-04T13:48:00.000-07:00

Halloween Baby

2010-11-04T11:02:00.000-07:00

We sent these pictures to some family and friends this year to say Happy Halloween.

Halloween 2010

2010-11-04T10:55:00.000-07:00

The day before Halloween I took Esper in to my mom's work and had lunch with her. They always have a huge party and it's fun to see all the amazing costumes. Esper was a pumpkin and took a nap on Grandma.

The night before Halloween Lake was sick so I took Libby and Esper to my sister's Halloween party. We had yummy food and treats including homemade root beer with dry ice in it. Libby had a blast playing with Aidan. Esper was an adorable skunk. She had fun playing with the other babies.

We got the kids again this year for Halloween. Libby was originally going to be a princess, but has been loving watching Spiderman on TV lately and wanted to be Spiderman just like brother. The day of Halloween we took the kids to the Discovery Gateway to play and enjoy Halloween activities.

That night Daddy took the kids to Chick-Fil-A for dinner and then out trick-or-treating. Libby could have gone all night but Lake was ready to come home. And they both loved answering the door and giving out candy.

Such a fun weekend!

Esper in her Exersaucer

2010-11-03T21:16:00.000-07:00

Esper loves playing in her exersaucer when Mommy is in the craft room. She'll push herself up a lot and grab at all the toys. She will also look up at Mom and smile really big while she's playing. Such a sweet, happy girl.

Rylie's Birthday Party

2010-11-01T23:16:00.000-07:00

Our good friend Amber had a Halloween birthday party for her daughter, Rylie, who was turning 4. We took the whole family and Jen and had a great time. Lake and Libby dressed up in their costumes and got their hair sprayed cool colors.

Jen, Libby, and Jeff watching Sleeping Beauty

Our little Spiderman

with mask on

Libby won "best costume" and got a Princess paint set.

Just chilling and talking on the phone

Our sexy witch hostess, Amber

Spooky teeth

We got Rylie a Princess set and a dress and she loved them both

Singing Happy Birthday (Amber made the yummiest gluten-free cupcakes)

That man is always on his phone tweeting

I love this pic Amber took of me and Esper

and she got her to smile!

Going through their stash

We had such a great time. Amber has a beautiful new house and we loved seeing it.

Esper: Month 4 Mosaic

2010-11-01T22:09:00.000-07:00

Esper: Month 3 Mosaic

2010-10-19T18:33:00.000-07:00

Big Cottonwood Canyon

2010-10-09T14:25:00.000-07:00

To take advantage of the beautiful fall weather, we met my family up Big Cottonwood Canyon for a picnic. My mom packed hot dogs and rice krispie treats and the kids loved climbing on rocks and throwing rocks into the river.

Esper @ Two Months & Three Months

2010-10-05T17:15:00.000-07:00

I am behind, so I'm combining her Month Two and Three posts.

Here she is at Two Months old

And at Three Months old, she is quite smitten with her hands and all that they can do.She especially likes to suck on them.

She is getting so big. She is my pretty, growing girl.

She is talking SO much! She loves to make little cute shrieking noises when she's happy or excited. She loves to talk to people and people talking to her makes her smile and laugh. In fact she giggled for the first time and it was such a beautiful sound.
She adores baths. I usually take her in my big bath and hold on to her back while she floats and splashes and she loves it.
She is now wearing 3-6 months clothes and size 2 diapers. I had to go in and pack up all her 0-3 months summer clothes and it made me quite sad.
We have tummy time everyday. She really doesn't like the pressure on her belly but she's started rocking side to side and should be rolling any day now!
She sleeps usually between 6 to 8 hours every night. She wakes up to eat a bottle and then goes back to bed with me until about 10 am. It's very nice.
She got to meet her Holmes grandparents last month and they enjoyed meeting her. We hope to take her to California to meet the rest of her aunts and uncles sometime. (and hopefully she'll get to see her Uncle D.J. and Aunt Beth at Christmas time)
Has decided she HATES the car. I have discovered it's because she can't see me. When we go places as a family I usually sit in the back so she'll be happy.
Took her on her first road trip to St. George. She did so well in the car and slept longer in it than I thought she would.
Is starting to get a little anxious around new people, but will usually warm up after a few minutes.
Still does not cry or fuss much unless she's hungry or tired.
Is all smiles and talk when you go to get her out of her crib in the morning. She almost forgets she's hungry when she sees a familiar face.
She eats 5-6 oz. at each feeding.
Had surgery to put tubes in her ears to drain all the fluid in there. After the surgery she passed her hearing tests with flying colors! (I'm going to do a separate blog post about this.)
Is already starting to grasp things like her binky and rattles. She doesn't use the pincer finger and thumb, she uses her middle three fingers to kinda grab things.
Is losing her hair and it makes Mama very sad! Hopefully it will grow back soon.
Loves watching the TV while being fed, especially Futurama. (Oops, bad parenting!)
Is the sweetest baby girl in the entire world, and we are so lucky to have her!

Stats at 2 Months: Weight: 10.36 lbs or 37%; Length: 23.03 in or 75%; Head: 15.4 in or 56%

Look how she's growing!

Libby's 3rd Birthday

2010-09-30T17:08:00.000-07:00

I am sooo behind on posting. I'll get there eventually I guess.

Libby turned 3 on August 10. We had a birthday party for her the following weekend at our local splash pool. Daddy grilled up some hotdogs and bratwurst and we swam and ate Princess birthday cake.

This is our friend Ruthie. I think it was her first time being in a pool. She was timid at first but by the end she seemed to love it.

My parents were great to hold Esper while I tried to host a party.

Libby loved her Princess cake. She is honestly obsessed with princesses.

The girl loves birthdays, even when they're not hers.

Jeff and our friend Amber

My sister Jessica and niece Addison.

Libby got tons of princess stuff

This "I'm a Big Sister!" book is so cute. I love reading it to her.

Princess shoes!

Zoe and Lake eating

Our friend Amy brought cute Baby Maddi

Cousin Baron loved his cupcake

We had a great time with friends and family and Libby had a great birthday!

Esper: Month 2 Mosaic

2010-09-01T21:03:00.001-07:00

I have way too many photos, it was hard to narrow it down to 25.

Esper: Month 1 Mosaic

2010-08-31T16:33:00.000-07:00

I take TONS of photos on my iPhone, so each month I'm going to make a mosaic of all the pictures of Esper from that month. That way, I can see how she's grown that month at quick glance. I still can't believe she was ever this small, and it was only a month ago!

Ice Cream Sunday @ Randy & Joan's

2010-08-10T20:40:00.000-07:00

A couple weeks ago, my Aunt Joan and Uncle Randy invited all of the Shaw's over for ice cream and lots of good company. Joan went out of her way to provide lots of flavors of ice cream and tons of toppings to chose from. We all sat out on the back deck while the kids all played on the swing set and slide that have been in the backyard since I was a kid. It was Esper's first time meeting everyone, so she got passed around a lot. My cousin Keith and his family were in town and it was so good to see them. We also loved hearing cousin Mackenzie sing for all of us.

Lake climbing the apple tree

Libby in the tree

So relaxing hanging out in the shade on the swing

Grandma and Esper

Esper @ One Month

2010-08-04T22:45:00.000-07:00

I'll be taking her picture each month with this bear to see her growth.

I can't believe we made it to a month! Esper's doing great- eating well and growing a lot. Here are some of my favorite things at one month.

When she's hungry, she snorts for a while before she gets upset and cries. I love that little piggy noise. :)
When I take her out of her crib I go to kiss her and if she's hungry she'll try to suck on my mouth. It's so cute.
She smiles and laughs in her sleep, and is starting to smile at people when they look at her.
One of her favorite things to do is to push herself so that her head is hanging upside down. She'll look around forever that way.
She didn't like her first bath, but since then I've taken her in the bath with me and laid her on her back in the water. She seems to like that.
She doesn't mind getting her diaper changed or her clothes changed, as long as she's not hungry while you do it.
She likes going on walks in her stroller and riding in the car, both of which make her fall asleep.
She'll take her binky and especially likes it to comfort her when she's hungry or uncomfortable from gas.
She sleeps the best when she's swaddled tightly, but when she's not swaddled she's little miss squirmy and loves to move her arms and legs.
If not swaddled she likes to put her hands up by her face when sleeping.
She tends to snore when she sleeps. :)
She has a really tight grip. When you feed her, she has to be grabbing at something while she eats. Most of the time it ends up being your skin as she pinches your hand.
Her siblings take such good care of her. They are both great at putting her binky back in when it falls out. Libby likes to kiss her and say "I wuv you Esper." Lake likes to point out that she has a tiny bum and lots of hair.
She's starting to sleep more at night, usually for 4-5 hour stretches but a couple times for 6-7.
She's a cuddle bug and loves to sleep on your chest.
She hardly ever cries- only when she's been hungry for a while or she's in pain from gas. She's such a sweet, pleasant baby and we're so lucky.

4th of July

2010-07-28T16:31:00.000-07:00

Esper was only five days old on the 4th of July so we didn't do much during the day. That night we went to my parents' house for some BBQ and to watch some fireworks. I have to say that first week of Esper's life was SO hard. I had the baby blues really bad and so I did a lot of crying (which is why my cheeks are so red in these pics.) But the good news is that things are MUCH better now. Here are some cute pics from the day. My sister Jess got her the cute outfit for her to wear to celebrate her first holiday.

Esper's First Bath

2010-07-23T16:05:00.000-07:00

Even though she was pretty miserable, I love these cute pictures of Esper getting her first bath at home. She smelled so yummy afterward. :)

Labor Playlist

2010-07-18T16:29:00.000-07:00

Put together minutes before I started pushing...

1. Heartbeats - Jose Gonzales
2. I Don't Know What I Can Save You From - The Kings of Convenience
3. Ion Square - Bloc Party
4. Jigsaw Falling Into Place - Radiohead
5. Just Like Honey - The Jesus & Mary Chain
6. Keep Breathing - Ingrid Michaelson
7. Love Will Come Through - Travis
8. My Favourite Book - Stars
9. My Girl - The Temptations
10. Needs - Collective Soul
11. The Night Starts Here - Stars
12. Oh, It Is Love - Hellogoodbye
13. Over The Rainbow - Ingrid Michaelson
14. Personal - Stars
15. Pressure Suit - Aqualung
16. Rock Your Soul - Elisa
17. Sing Softly To Me - Kings of Convenience
18. Such Great Heights - Iron & Wine
19. Swimming Pool - The Submarines
20. When U Love Somebody - Fruit Bats
21. You Are Mine - Mute Math
22. You Are The Best Thing - Ray LaMontagne
23. 2+2=5 (The Lukewarm) - Radiohead
24. Ache For You - Ben Lee
25. All I Need - Radiohead
26. The Aspidistra Files - Stars
27. Be Gentle With Me - The Boy Least Likely To
28. Beautiful World - Colin Hay
29. Blackbird - Evan Rachel Wood
30. Cathedrals - Jump, Little Children
31. Corner Of Your Heart - Ingrid Michaelson
32. Eyes - Rogue Wave
33. Fighter Girl - Mason Jennings

A lot of these songs are very meaningful to Jeff and I. It was relaxing to listen to the soundtrack of our relationship on that important day.

Esper's Birth Day

2010-07-18T13:27:00.000-07:00

Sorry it's taken me so long to type up all the details of that day, but that's what happens when you're taking care of a newborn all day everyday.

In the weeks leading up to Esper's due date, I had the weekly appointments with my doctor, and each time he told me nothing was happening. So I was pretty disappointed and felt like she was going to wait until after her due date to make her appearance. At 38 weeks I had an ultrasound and the doctor could see that she was head down and approximately 7 pounds 6 ounces. So I was afraid she'd be late and really, really big.

The night of Monday the 28th was like any other night except I couldn't sleep. My body was just wide awake and I was so frustrated. Around 6 am I think I kind of fell asleep for a couple hours. I had my 40 week appointment the next morning at 8:20 (day before my due date) and Jeff was planning on coming with me before he went to work. I started feeling weird around 7 am. When Jeff woke up I told him I thought I was having contractions, but I think he thought I was just being a drama queen. I tried timing them but I was too busy getting ready and trying to handle the pain. I remember pouring some juice during a contraction and just leaning against the counter in our kitchen trying to wait it out. On the way to the doctor (which is just down the street from us) I was in more pain, and I think Jeff finally believed something was going on.

Luckily we didn't have to sit around and wait when we got there- I told them I was having contractions and they took me back right away and put a monitor on me to see if I was. Sure enough, I was. We were sitting in a room watching an episode of Friends (the one where Phoebe tries to seduce Chandler). At one point the doctor came and checked on me and didn't believe I was really in labor because of how much I was laughing. I assured him I was in fact in pain, but it was much easier to deal with by ignoring it and focusing on the TV. I kept looking at Jeff, so excited and amazed that it was finally happening and that we were going to have a baby. At 9:45 am the doctor checked my progress and I was dilated to 3 cm. He said I was good to go get checked into labor & delivery and get my epidural.

I remember thinking it was way too early for an epidural. I had felt contractions, but they weren't too much pain to handle. I think I wanted to at least feel a few really painful ones (I don't know why) but I can't complain about that... I got the epidural at 11:15 am. I thought the epidural would be really painful but it wasn't. I just had Jeff and the nurse talk to me to distract me and it really wasn't that bad.
Once the epidural was in it took a little while for it to take effect. Jeff texted our roommate Jen to see if she could bring us our camera and some Friends dvd's and she did (such a sweetheart). I was in a good mood watching some more Friends. I just had to ignore Jeff taking pictures of me every second. And the delicious looking sandwich he ate in front of me. (I was starving ALL day). The doctor came in at about 12:15 pm and broke my water. He didn't even tell me he was going to, so it was such a crazy feeling when he did it. Sorry if this is TMI but at one point they put a catheter in and since my epidural wasn't working quite yet, it was VERY uncomfortable. Seriously, like the worst part of the day for me and it was just a dumb catheter. I was crying a lot. (I think the medicine made me a bit emotional too.) Finally they realized that I needed to sit up more for the medicine to go to the right places, and after that things were better.

I don't know what time it was, but I was relaxed enough to kind of take a nap. The nurse came in and put something in my IV and when I woke up I saw it was Pitocin. That was probably the only thing that really bothered me about the day. I felt like I was progressing fine on my own- why did I need Pitocin? And why didn't they tell me they were giving it to me? Waking up to drugs in your system you weren't aware were going in is pretty annoying. I guess they wanted me to go faster. At about 3:45 pm the doctor checked me and I was at 7 cm. I was watching Friends with Jeff and time seemed to be passing pretty fast. At 5:15 pm I was at 8 cm and 90% effaced. My sister Jessica and my mom came by to visit with us which was nice.

Since we hadn't ever packed a bag for the hospital, we didn't have anything with us. So at 5:30 pm I sent Jeff home to get the things we would need. We were both sure we had plenty of time and we were right. At about 6:15 pm they checked me and said I was ready to start pushing. At this point I started putting together an on-the-go playlist on my iPhone of songs to push to. Jeff was supposed to make me one but didn't so I just threw some songs together. Jen had brought my iPhone speakers and the music made such a difference for me. At 6:50 pm I really started pushing. I could feel when the contractions were coming and it was so much relief to push when they came. It took some time to master how to push. The nurse wanted me to push down, but you can only feel so much with an epidural. Also, I couldn't grunt or yell through a push like you always see them doing on the movies, because that would let too much air out. Once I got the hang of it, I felt like I could push all night if I needed to. Considering that I was going on no sleep from the night before, it's good I had that energy because I ended up pushing for THREE HOURS. Around 8:20 pm Jeff told me that he could see a full head of dark hair and that got me excited to see my baby.

Funny thing I must mention here- Jeff had been on Twitter all day keeping people informed on how we were doing and we got quite a lot of people interested in the status of our baby. Even people we have never met before. We even got a hashtag- #skrikeekababy. Jeff told me about this while I was pushing, and would even update his status in between my contractions. It was really funny but also very entertaining and made the day so much more fun. At one point though I did have to tell him to put his phone down when her head started coming out. ;) There are so many tweets that I need to print them all out and put them in Esper's baby album so that one day she can see how popular she was on the internet. :)

At about 9:30 pm the doctor came in and decided to get the party started. He was really good at getting me to push extra hard ("get mad Erica!") but she was still just not coming. He got the vacuum ready at about 10:00 pm. Throughout pushing I kept telling Jeff all the food I was craving. I was so hungry and really wanted peaches, ice cream, sandwiches, anything really. At 10:21 pm the doctor told me to do one more big push and she'd be out. I gave it all I could, and it was such a crazy but relieving feeling to have her come out. She didn't cry right at first but eventually fussed a little bit. She's just not the crying type really. When they showed her to me, she was such a beautiful baby that at first I couldn't believe she came out of me. I thought she was someone else's child. Jeff was over taking pictures of her as they cleaned her off and weighed her and he just kept telling me how pretty she was. I was so confused and just out of it. I was soooo tired. I didn't have to push much for the placenta to come out. I did close my eyes though (ick).

So after pushing for three hours, using a vacuum, having an episiotomy, and tearing, Esper Julie Holmes decided to make her grand appearance at 10:22 pm weighing 7 lbs 11 oz and 19-1/2 in. long. Jeff found the name Esper in a science fiction book by Simon Green (it means someone that can do ESP) and I guess it's also in Final Fantasy and Blade Runner. No lack of nerdage in this house! We also liked that Esper means Hope in French. And Julie is my mom's name. That was a surprise as we didn't tell her we were planning on using her name for the middle name.

My family had been in the waiting room and my dad had just pulled into the parking lot from being out of town, so it was perfect timing. Everyone loved how much hair she had and thought she was so pretty.

It was such an amazing day, and one I hope I don't forget in years to come. Jeff was the best partner I could have asked for, rubbing my leg between pushing, brushing my hair, and basically just doing anything throughout the day to make me feel better. I really couldn't have done it without him. I am so grateful to have created this beautiful little girl with him. I feel like we are complete as a couple and as a family by having this little person in our lives. She is a lot of work, but she provides so much joy that it's worth it. Now that she's here I can't imagine our lives without her.

I made this slideshow of our day, I hope you enjoy it...

Esper Julie Holmes from Erica Shaw on Vimeo.

Trip to Elk Grove, CA (Day 4)

2010-06-21T21:49:00.000-07:00

Day 4: Monday, May 3

I'll have to split this day into a couple blog posts because we took lots of pictures on this day. We started the day out by taking the kids to the Elk Grove Park to feed the ducks. We did this last year and they really liked it. We stopped and got some popcorn on the way.

The geese were being little buggers and nipping at the kids hands and trying to bite them. Dumb geese.

Daddy thought it would be fun to tease them.

Tired girl taking a rest on Daddy's lap for a second

Hmmmm it looks like Libby was kind of hungry. Or throwing out large handfuls of popcorn.

I love this one of Libby running.

And this one her Daddy edited of her...

After feeding the ducks we decided to go get some pizza for lunch. The kids must have filled up on popcorn because neither one of them really ate anything.

After pizza we went to Jeff's favorite frozen yogurt place in town (which is a rare thing considering he doesn't really love ice cream) and got some delicious (huge) ice creams.

Which probably wasn't such a good idea because after we got back to his parents' house, all that pizza and ice cream made for maybe the worst heartburn I have ever had. I was on the floor moaning very loudly in pain. After a while it went away but I learned my lesson and luckily it didn't happen for the rest of the trip. I think I gave Jeff's mom a good scare though!

I'll be back to post pictures from the fun we had playing with water that evening.

Trip to Elk Grove, CA (Day 3)

2010-06-06T17:35:00.000-07:00

Day 3: Sunday, May 2

On Sunday we decided to venture out and go exploring. First we went to our very favorite farmer's market and picked up some snacks. Lake must have been pretty tired because he threw a fit that lasted a long time until he fell asleep. Libby eventually fell asleep too. So we spent a good two hours driving through the country and seeing lots of little gold-mining towns. I kept wanting Jeff to stop at all the cute antique stores I was seeing but I think he wanted his money to remain in his wallet. :)

When we got home we put the kids down for naps again (they only slept for 30 minutes or so) and took naps ourselves. When we woke up Shannon and family and Darby and Mabeo were at the house to celebrate Lake and Tirzah's birthdays. We had a yummy dinner and dessert and then opened presents.

Lake was very excited to open his gifts and poor cousin John was not allowed to touch his new toys. After presents the kids went outside to play and Darby, Mabeo, Jeff, and I played Settlers of Catan. Of course I won. :)

Shannon's family gave Lake (and Libby) some great toys to play with in the sandbox and some candy.

Grandma and Grandpa Holmes gave Lake a skateboard which he thought was super cool.

Jeff and I got Lake a Yo Gabba Gabba computer that lets you play games and teaches you letters and numbers. Our favorite part is the record that makes scratching noises.

A cute one of Libby outside that Aunt Mabeo took

Trip to Elk Grove, CA (Day 2)

2010-05-24T16:09:00.000-07:00

Day 2: Saturday, May 1

The reason why we planned this trip when we did was so that we could take the kids to the annual Elk Grove Western Festival. Jeff had great memories as a kid of going to the parade and riding the rides at the park near them. So we woke up and got ready for the day and headed out to watch the parade. We were joined by Jeff's sister Shannon and her family and his brother Darby and wife Mabeo.

Unfortunately the kids were pretty tired due to lack of sleep the night before, so they were pretty grouchy. Lake kept getting into things he wasn't supposed to and Libby kept throwing fits over random things. Luckily, she finally calmed down sitting on Grandma Holmes' lap for a while. Lake enjoyed some of the parade before he completely lost it. He did like seeing the Po-Po's (police) every time they drove by and Libby liked seeing the horses. We walked home with the kids and put them down for naps.

After the kids woke up from their naps, we all went over to Shannon's house to have a BBQ and go swimming. The kids loved playing in the hot tub with their cousins and the adults loved eating good food and enjoying good conversation.

Trip to Elk Grove, CA (Day 1)

2010-05-15T20:26:00.000-07:00

Day 1: Friday, April 30

I had done a lot of packing the night before of all the kids' clothes. I had each outfit separated into ziploc bags including coordinating bows for Libby. I had the snack bag and the toy bag packed, so we woke up and just had to pack a bit of our stuff. Libby woke up pretty early so she came downstairs and kept me company while I got things ready. Lake slept in really late (gasp!) and I actually had to go wake him up. That ended up being a good thing because we were able to get the car all loaded up and then just dress him and throw him in and leave.

We had to stop at the bank and then of course we forgot a couple things so we ran back to the house to get them. But I think we got on the road by 8:30 am. We stopped at McDonald's in Tooele to eat breakfast which is just tradition for anyone taking a road trip out that way.

We borrowed a DVD player and it literally saved us. Lake loved watching movies. Libby would watch for a while and then get bored and pull out her little magnetic drawing board. She loved that thing. She could color and draw all day long.

Everything was going swell until we hit Donner Pass and Libby started complaining about her mouth hurting. We really didn't know what to think of it until she threw up a little on herself. Oh, that's what that means. So we pulled over and cleaned her off and changed her clothes. Not ten minutes later she said it again so I put all I had under her- a little bowl. It did not do the trick. It was so bad Lake started dry heaving and I had to tell him to look out his window and not at her. Libby was crying so hard, mostly because she was messy. So again, we pulled over and changed her clothes and I washed the vomit out of her hair in a gas station sink. Not one of our best memories of the trip, that's for sure. After that she would occasionally mention feeling sick again so for the rest of the trip I sat in the back between the two kids to make sure I caught it in a bag if she did it again. Luckily she didn't. But by the time we hit Sacramento rush hour, we were just so ready to be at Grandma and Grandpa Holmes' house. We started begging the lights to change to green. Every red light we hit, we said nice things to the lights until they turned green.

We pulled into Elk Grove and had some delicious dinner at Grandma's house. Our long day was about to get a lot harder by attempting to put the kids to sleep in a new place. The plan was to put both kids in one bed in a guest room, but they would not calm down and kept each other up for hours. So final resort, I went and sat in their bedroom on the bed until Libby fell asleep, and then made Jeff go sit in there until Lake fell asleep. But after all of that we were grouchy, extremely tired, and stressed. (Not to mention pregnant.) Rest came easily...

Note: We took most of our photos with our iPhones, so sorry for the quality. We did take a few with the regular camera and those ones will be bigger and prettier. :)

Joclyn's 3rd Birthday Party

2010-05-15T19:35:00.000-07:00

Our friends Amanda and Rob have the sweetest daughter, Joclyn, who was turning 3. The best part of this birthday party was that there was a real LIVE PONY! The kids were so excited to ride it.

Pink cowboy hat required.

The pony was pretty stubborn and sometimes just wanted to eat grass rather than move. At one point I literally had to catch her when the pony turned too sharply and she fell off.

What happens when a two-year-old hits her mouth on the bottom of a slide. Crying pictures are priceless.

A little happier with some juice

Lake kept going up the slide while kids were trying to go down. It got old telling him to stop after twenty times.

Meeting another guest- "Hi my name's Yibby!" she said.

Giving Daddy a kiss- so sweet!

We had a great time playing, eating cake, and riding the pony. Happy Birthday Joclyn!

Easter 2010

2010-04-25T18:21:00.000-07:00

This Easter we were very excited to have the kids with us since we never had for the holiday. I figured I didn't need to buy the kids new Easter clothes so I used a dress I had sewn for Libby and a sweater vest I found for Lake at the D.I. but he had never worn. They looked very cute! It was a shame that after all the nice weather we had been having, it had to snow that day. We had an egg hunt in the house and the kids loved searching for eggs and making Daddy get the ones that were high up.

In Lake's basket he got trucks, a book, a Yo Gabba Gabba card game, and lots of candy. Libby got a big stuffed Sneetch (she has a little one she carries everywhere), princess nail polish, a bunny book, and lots of candy.

After our egg hunt we went to Aunt April's house to have a huge brunch with everyone. It was soooo yummy!

After naptime we went to Gramma Ju-Ju's and Grandpa Dallas's house to have a traditional ham dinner with family. The kids loved running around with Aidan like always. What a fun day!

Couponing 101

2010-03-26T20:16:00.000-07:00

So I've been wanting to get into using coupons more for quite a while now. A few times I even tried, and failed. I think the problem is, there are a million ways to do it, and it's all about finding what works for you. I did a lot of research online to see how other people do it. A site I found helpful was Pinching Your Pennies. They have a forum where you can view the specials in your area, and they have some good tutorials and YouTube videos on how to get started.

A lot of it is becoming educated. For example, I had no idea you could combine two coupons on one item if one was a manufacturer's coupon and one was a store coupon. I also had no idea that you could use the coupon on the smallest size possible and get more for your money (as long as the coupon doesn't list size restrictions.)

A couple things that work for me:

I do not like having to travel to a bunch of different stores. It's just not for me. I stick to Target and that's pretty much it unless there is a screaming good deal somewhere else.
I did not want to have a massive coupon binder that I carried with me when I went shopping. So I print the coupons I need, and put extras in an envelope that I bring to the store with me just in case I see something on clearance.
I know that I'm going to get the best deals on things I have a store coupon + manufacturer coupon for, so I pretty much ignore the other coupons unless I really need something or it's on sale.
This kind of shopping is done better WITHOUT toddlers in tow.
Having a smoothie from Kneaders or Starbucks to sip on while you shop is essential.

So today was the first day I tried my new system. Here's what I did:
First, I went to one of my favorite sites TotallyTarget.com (I have my Google Reader set up with a category for couponing and have a few of my favorite sites on there so all I have to do is click on the category in the morning, and I'm updated with a whole bunch of new deals. Some other sites I have on there are: The Krazy Coupon Lady, Penny Pinchin' Mom, and I Love a Good Deal! - my friend Chelsi's site.) The nice thing about Google Reader is you can star any posts that stand out to you, so throughout the week I've been starring any specials that I think I might want to use when I go shopping. The main post I used though was this one. It has all of the weekly specials listed so I can just look and see what things I need to buy, or what things are too good of a deal to pass up.

Here's an example. Target had Johnson & Johnson's baby lotions on sale, 2/$7 so the blog has the sale price listed as well as TONS of coupons listed you can combine with the sale price. I haven't started getting the newspaper coupons, but I'm going to buy a weekend paper at the store every so often so I have more options. But as you can see, even without newspaper coupons, you have many options for printing internet coupons. I decided I was going to buy 3 items, so the coupons I used are bolded:

Johnson’s Baby Care 9-22oz 2/$7
-$1/1 Johnson & Johnson Baby Product PRINT
-$1/1 ANY Johnson’s Baby lotion IE or Firefox
-$1/1 Johnson’s Baby product, any excluding trial sizes – 01-03-10 RP (exp 3/15)
-$1/1 Johnson’s Baby Products ETS 3-7-10 RP
-$1/1 Johnson’s Head to Toe Baby Wash 15 oz PRINT
-$1/1 Johnson’s Baby Lotion, J Baby Cream, J Moisture Care Wash, or J Baby Oil, Any PRINT
-$1/1 Johnson’s Baby Powder Any excluding Trial Sizes PRINT
-$1/1 Johnson’s Baby Bubble Bath & Wash, Any PRINT
-$2/2 Any Johnson & Johnson Baby Wash, Baby Shampoo, Baby Lotion or Desitin PRINT
-$3/3 Johnson’s Products: J Head to Toe Baby Wash (9oz. +), J Baby Shampoo (9oz.+), J Baby Lotion (9oz.+), J Head to Toe Fragrance Free Lotion (9oz.+), Desitin Rapid Relief or Maximum Strength PRINT

Now here's where it gets fun. Target usually has great clearance items or discounted prices on their endcaps and you get to be a sleuth and keep your eyes open for awesome deals. So even though the sale price said 2/$7 I found some lotions for $2.99 each. I grabbed a Moisture Care Baby Wash 20 fl oz and a Baby Shampoo 20 fl oz for that price and then I found a smaller 9 fl oz bottle of baby lotion that was only $2.19. So with my coupons that's -$3, -$1, and -$1 equaling a savings of $5. So I ended up paying $3.17 for 3 bottles of baby care products.

Pretty awesome, huh?

It gets better.

Target usually has great in-store coupons on their site and I found one for $1.00/off Gerber onesies or any other Gerber apparel item. Make sure you read your coupons carefully because the other item part is important. In the baby section I scanned the aisle until I found the cheapest Gerber apparel item and there it was: 3 baby caps for $1.26. Score! I bought 3 baby caps for $0.26 total. That's about $0.09 per cap. I think I can afford having a baby at this rate.

Next, I headed over to the diaper section. I know that diapers can end up being the most expensive part of having a baby and we've spent quite a lot of money on diapers for Lake and Libby already. So diaper coupons are a GREAT find for me. Especially Huggies or Pampers since I think the cheap store brands do a crap job (hehe). So I had a $3/1 Huggies coupon from Coupons.com, a $3/1 Huggies coupon from becoming a fan of Huggies on Facebook, and a $2.00/1 Pampers coupon that I clipped from a RedPlum mailer. I found some great clearance diapers on an endcap and ended up getting Newborn diapers that were $16.14 (-$3.00 = $13.14), Size 1 Pampers diapers for $8.48 (-$2.00 = $6.48) and some toddler diapers for Libby that were $8.99 (-$3.00 = $5.99) On two of the packages I decided to get smaller packages for more savings, but on one of them I got more. Next time I get diaper coupons, I'll buy more smaller clearance packages and I'll just keep stocking up until the baby comes. So I saved $8.00 on diapers and ended up spending $25.61 for 119 diapers.

I got some other deals that made me happy including Welch's yogurt fruit snacks for $1.00 each.
Standard sleeping pillows were on sale at Target for $3.04 plus they had a coupon on their site for $1.50 off a pillow, so I got Libby a pillow for $1.54.

I loved handing the cashier all my coupons and watching all that money come off my total. Today I saved $24.94 total. I'm sure as I learn more, I'm bound to save a lot more.

And yes, Jeff's been laughing at my new found "obsession" ever since he got home from work.

(Oh and thanks go to my friend Ruthie for inspiring me with this great blog post to get started.)

Princess Party for Sofia

2010-03-08T12:18:00.000-08:00

Libby got invited by my good friend Shanna and her daughter Sofia to attend Sofia's 3rd birthday party. The theme was princesses and Libby was SO excited to go. About a week before I found this dress for Libby that had Princess Tiana on it. Since she went and saw The Princess and The Frog with her aunt, I figured she would like it. I guess I was right because she loved her princess dress so much, I think she would wear it everyday if she could.

Here she is all ready to go. (And yes, I buttoned her jacket wrong for which Jeff teased me.)

When we got there they had a slideshow of pictures of Sofia playing with great dancing music so the girls went to town. Libby is for sure our little dancer!

Next we decorated princess crowns to wear, and Libby really enjoyed making hers.

Here's the finished product. Oh, and I caught a great shot of the birthday girl. ;)

Then Sofi opened her presents, and Libby had to be right in front watching all the action unfold.

She adored that candy ring and sucked on it the whole time. When it came time to sing Happy Birthday, I think Libby was the loudest and most off-key singer. But hey, she does it with enthusiasm and it's so cute!

All the princesses!